Would ya get away with a mankini in Ballybunion?

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Hiya, it’s Rosealeen right here in Ballydesmond. Dangerous cess to my married associates and the way in which they are saying, “Oh Rosealeen, I’ve a pal and he’d be very good for you,” after which they wheel out some magnificence they present in a garbage bin in downtown Scartaglin.

A pal of mine really did wheel out one man, they’d him in a purchasing trolley, he was so drunk. So it was rolling-my-eyes-time once more when my cousin stated she had a person for me, just for her to set me up with this Colm feen who’d remind you of Liam Neeson — earlier than he received previous. You wouldn’t say he was thrilling — poor Colm is as straight and slim as a thin heterosexual, however I’m as glad to have a little bit of maturity in my life, to be sincere with you.

Certain, hasn’t he booked us a vacation in Sardinia, which is sort of a posh Sicily and I’m on my final nerve with fear that I’ll seem like the Wild Lady of Boherbue in entrance of all the thin Italians. I used to be going to get my eyebrows performed in Maura’s beautician place on the town, it’s known as Pretty Lidz, Ladz. However then I assumed: “What would she know concerning the newest fashions, trapped within the Ballydesmond bubble.”

How can I inform her that I must go someplace else, for the spot of sophistication?

— Rosealeen, Ballydesmond.

I rang my pal there, Straight-Speaking Sandra, and informed her your scéal. I stated: “What would you say to a beautician in Ballydesmond?”

She stated: “I’d inform her she has the hardest job on this planet.”

#Harsh

C’mere, what’s the story with Ballybunion? The previous doll’s birthday is arising subsequent weekend and he or she stated she needs a shock. That’s the very last thing a lad needs to listen to from his previous doll. It’s unhealthy sufficient we have now to purchase one thing, we have now to consider it as nicely. Worse once more, she says she doesn’t need the type of shock the place I bounce out from behind a door in a mankini and shout “cop a load of that lady.” And there was I pondering she loved it final 12 months. The previous dolls — will we ever actually know them?

Anyway, I’m going to deliver her away for a weekend, however I couldn’t be coping with West Cork or the Ring of Kerry gaffs, as a result of they’re filled with knobs down from Dublin and it could price you over €100 for a rake of pints. My mate, Budgie says that Ballybunion is the enterprise, and I stated is it not filled with eejits from Limerick and he stated it’s, however they’re alright when you recover from the accent. I seemed it up on-line there and the primary factor Ballybunion has going for it’s golf. You in all probability don’t know my previous doll Audrey, however I can’t think about her doing a cartwheel as a result of I introduced her to one of many prime 10 hyperlinks programs on this planet, no matter meaning. Do you suppose I ought to go for it and convey her to Ballybunion?

— Dowcha Donie, Blackpool 

Don’t even give it some thought Donie. She requested for a shock, not a shock.

It’s something however humble on our WhatsApp group, Douglas Highway Stunners Who Wish to Make it Fairly Clear They Spent a Fortune on Their Baggage. Lorna_RicherThanYou stated she’s discovered this unimaginable cabin baggage web site the place nothing is underneath two grand, it’s totes past the attain of your common slack-jaw who flies out of Cork Airport.

We had been begging her for the hyperlink however she rightly stated it’s dog-eat-dog right here bee-atches, there’s nothing like that second on a flight to Paris the place you carry your bag into the overhead locker and half the airplane turns round to admire your web price. Fifi_Poodles stated don’t thoughts cabin baggage, it’s the carousel the place the actual harm is completed to folks’s shallowness, and he or she has discovered this invite-only web site the place every suitcase is hand-made by an grownup in a first-world nation. We begged and begged however she wouldn’t hand over the handle. I’m actually shaking with worry that my top-of-the-range Samsonite will make me look a bit Carrigaline after we’re getting back from Venice. Have you learnt how I can get an improve?

— Jenni, Douglas Highway 

I requested the Posh Cousin for assistance on this.

She stated: “I’m staying nicely out of this, the very last thing a Douglas Highway kind wants is extra baggage.”

Guten Tag. I typically have a beer with my dinner, as a result of I’m German and due to this fact unlikely to ‘get a lip’ for it and get up the following morning within the bathtub. That is what occurs to my Irish flatmate each time we have now a drink with dinner. He says, ‘a fowl by no means flew on one wing’, no matter meaning and two hours later he’s singing Wolfe Tones songs. He stated that it’s all my fault for having a beer with dinner, despite the fact that it’s a part of our nationwide tradition.

How can I persuade an Irish individual to cease after one drink? 

— Jurgen, Berlin and Ballincollig.

My uncle is massive into accountable ingesting, all of us maintain nicely away from him. I rang him there, simply this as soon as, and stated: “What’s one of the best ways to get an Irish individual to cease ingesting pints?”

He stated: “Inform them it’s non-alcoholic beer.”

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