The graphic novel ‘Numb to This’ is a memoir about surviving a mass shooting : NPR

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In her debut graphic novel, Numb To This, Kindra Neely shares the psychological toll that surviving a mass taking pictures left her.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


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Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


In her debut graphic novel, Numb To This, Kindra Neely shares the psychological toll that surviving a mass taking pictures left her.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely

It took Kindra Neely years to hunt assist.

Seven years in the past, she survived the mass taking pictures at Umpqua Group School in Oregon, the place a gunman killed eight college students and one professor, and injured eight extra. She has now shared her expertise in a debut graphic novel, Numb to This: Memoir of a Mass Taking pictures, hoping that it’s going to assist others.

“[This book] was one thing that I used to be sort of searching for proper after the taking pictures had occurred,” Neely mentioned. “I believe for me, I actually wanted to know what was gonna occur to me in just a few years. Like, what was anticipated or what ought to I look out for.”

Within the e book, she recounts not solely what occurred that day, but in addition her journey working via the guilt and psychological toll. She says she hopes different survivors of gun violence and trauma will see that transferring ahead is an uphill battle, however a doable one.

“I believe simply having the illustration of what occurs afterward is vital for folks as a result of with out it, you will get sort of caught within the, ‘I do not know what occurs subsequent; I do not know what to do,'” she mentioned. “And that may sort of delay your entire life, actually.”

Making an attempt to maneuver ahead, amid fixed violence

Neely survived the taking pictures at Umpqua Group School in 2015, and has struggled when tragedies prefer it have occurred since.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


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Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


Neely survived the taking pictures at Umpqua Group School in 2015, and has struggled when tragedies prefer it have occurred since.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely

Neely’s novel comes as a gentle stream of mass shootings and gun violence continues in the US.

In the beginning of the e book, she describes witnessing gun violence within the Texas city she grew up in. Then, a number of pages of the e book present her reacting to shootings that occurred after the one she survived: the Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, the live performance in Las Vegas, and Marjory Stoneman Douglas Excessive Faculty in Parkland.

“Finally, via my very own expertise studying extra about why these items occur and simply how complacent society will be with this, I did need to embody in there that we will not be compliant with this, as a result of that is occurring to people who I care about,” Neely mentioned. “That is occurring to strangers that I do not know, however I do care about, and, you realize, I would not want this on anybody else.”

Neely mentioned the moments within the e book the place she learns of a brand new taking pictures look chaotic and messy as a result of, once they occurred, she wasn’t coping with her emotions effectively – she had not but discovered the instruments to deal with them.

She has these instruments now, she mentioned, however the repeated trauma nonetheless hurts.

“Uvalde particularly actually felt just like the wind obtained knocked out of me,” she mentioned. “It is not at all times like that with each single one. And I sort of do take precautions now simply in order that approach I am not overwhelmed by it. However yeah, it actually felt like a punch to the intestine.”

Coping with the emotional toll

Reminders of what Neely went via would generally come unexpectedly.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


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Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


Reminders of what Neely went via would generally come unexpectedly.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely

Neely mentioned that, regardless of missing the financial means to afford constant counseling, she felt fortunate to seek out folks via free assets who’ve helped her work via the psychological well being toll of the taking pictures.

All through the e book, she shares episodes the place an explosive sound or a crowded room would drive her right into a panic assault. However she additionally reveals the incremental impacts of the taking pictures – her friendships obtained rockier, she felt angrier, and she or he developed a continuing feeling of helplessness.

Working via that meant letting herself really feel the unfavorable feelings, as an alternative of pushing them away.

“It is nearly recognizing after I do really feel that approach and sort of simply being like, no, it’s OK to really feel unhealthy. These are issues it is best to really feel unhealthy about,” Neely mentioned. “And that helps as a result of then you definitely’re processing the emotion and never simply holding onto it and letting it fester and worsen.”

Feeling “violated” by the media presence

After the taking pictures at UCC, the media response was overwhelming for Neely.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


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Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


After the taking pictures at UCC, the media response was overwhelming for Neely.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely

Neely’s novel additionally grapples with experiences with the media after the taking pictures.

A photograph of her and a pal reuniting after the bloodbath was revealed with out their consent. And through a vigil for the victims, she was overwhelmed by the reporters approaching her and others searching for info.

Within the e book, she described feeling “violated” when the photograph got here out. However after reflecting on the expertise and speaking to journalists who had been current that day, her perspective modified.

She realized a lot of these reporters not solely had little expertise within the area, however additionally they had not obtained any coaching to method survivors in a delicate and caring approach. Some coaching and debriefing after the very fact, she mentioned, would assist defend each the journalists and the folks they speak to.

Discovering consolation in artwork

Neely was requested to assist create a campus memorial for the 9 victims of the UCC taking pictures, and in doing so, she related together with her neighborhood that damage.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


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Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely


Neely was requested to assist create a campus memorial for the 9 victims of the UCC taking pictures, and in doing so, she related together with her neighborhood that damage.

Copyright © 2022 by Kindra Neely

Neely’s methodology to share her story – a graphic novel – means the pages of her e book should not solely stuffed together with her uncooked feelings but in addition with vibrant, descriptive photographs of her life earlier than and after the taking pictures.

She mentioned she began drawing as a pastime, however did not think about it a profession possibility till after faculty — and after the taking pictures.

“What I like about drawing is that it might probably accomplish that many issues for you mentally,” she mentioned. “Once I’m doing issues like comics, particularly within the early manufacturing of them, it is extra of a puzzle to resolve since you’re attempting to inform a narrative one of the best ways and how are you going to make the characters and background give you the results you want.”

It is also meditative for her; an exercise that places her within the second, particularly when drawing nature, and hopefully is yet another step on her path to therapeutic.

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