DEAR ABBY: Boyfriend issues ultimatum to girlfriend and her son

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of three years desires me to maneuver in with him. He’s a fantastic man. He’s loving and affectionate, sort and caring. We wish the identical issues for our youngsters and have fairly just a few issues in frequent. We take pleasure in taking part in sports activities, and we’re each foodies. He checks plenty of my containers, so I do know I’m prepared for marriage.

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We each have youngsters. He has a 10-year-old woman; I’ve a 4-year-old boy. He has requested me a number of instances to maneuver in with him, however I’d prefer to be engaged or married earlier than doing so. He desires us to reside collectively first as a result of my relationship together with his daughter hasn’t flourished. He’d additionally prefer to construct a trusting relationship with my son, which I perceive and discover equally vital.

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He says we should reside collectively earlier than he proposes to me as a result of we have to work on our funds and careers, and so forth. He has now given me an ultimatum — both I transfer in, or he strikes on. What am I to do? Am I asking for an excessive amount of? — COERCED IN FLORIDA

DEAR COERCED: I don’t suppose it’s an excessive amount of to need a dedication out of your loving, affectionate, inflexible and controlling boyfriend earlier than transferring in with him. “Transfer in or I’m dumping you” doesn’t appear notably “loving” to me — it appears extra like emotional blackmail.

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Inform him you’ve considerations as a result of your relationship together with his daughter — after three years — “hasn’t flourished.” Does she reside with him? Issues gained’t enhance in case your presence is pressured on her. From the place I sit, it seems he desires to “attempt you on for dimension” with completely no dedication on his half. For those who do what he’s demanding, there isn’t a assure he’ll ever suggest marriage. Transfer on.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a retired married man. My sister, who’s 4 years youthful, was lately widowed. She was married for a very long time to an abusive alcoholic who ultimately drank himself to dying. Someday later, she married a good friend of hers who I think was additionally abusive. He died a yr in the past, leaving her with virtually nothing.

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Due to variations in our political and religious beliefs, my sister and I aren’t shut. She tends to be very defensive in dialog and emails. Nevertheless, my spouse and I’ve been pondering we’d like to provide her one thing monetarily so she could possibly be extra comfy. It wouldn’t be a single present on our half, or a big quantity. We really feel it will be finest if given on a weekly or month-to-month foundation.

How ought to I method my sister about it? There will likely be no strings connected, only a often given quantity to do with nevertheless she desires. Any ideas you’ve can be enormously appreciated. — NOT CLOSE, BUT CARING

DEAR NOT CLOSE: You’re caring, considerate and beneficiant. It’s a disgrace that political variations have pushed a wedge between you and your sister. As a result of she “tends to be defensive” when the 2 of you make contact, ask your legal professional to write down her a letter explaining that you simply and your spouse are performing some “property planning” and also you want to give her a sure sum of cash every week (or month) to make use of as she needs. If she’s , she ought to contact the legal professional so the preparations may be made.

Pricey Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also called Jeanne Phillips, and was based by her mom, Pauline Phillips. Contact Pricey Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Field 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.