A gaggle of adults have been speaking extraordinarily loud about how silly sure folks have been, and that features younger children. One of many particular person’s child stated
“Not less than I do know I am dumb.”
I consider that child to at the present time.
Father or mother: you realize you will must hear me for the remainder of your life
Baby: no, I’ve to take heed to you for the remainder of YOUR life
I heard somewhat child saying to his mum: i believed males cannot get pregnant.
Ty little bastard you have been speaking so loud, i diminished my alcohol devour all the way down to 10% of what i drank earlier than (and now restricted to weekends) and misplaced nearly 15kg since then. Sure, was on my finest approach of changing into an alcoholic. And that i had that fats “beer tummy” whereas else being fairly skinny.
My daughter is a genius and on the spectrum… this has led to some hilarious (in hindsight) encounters. My mother-in-law was spending time with the baby to get to know her higher (she was an unplanned life occurs adoption and can be our solely youngster.) They have been folding garments in my MIL‘s Front room when the in any other case silent all day 3yr outdated turns to her and says: “My panties are too small to fold.“ she held up my MIL’s underwear she had been folding. “I can fold your panties many many instances. It’s as a result of your butt is so massive.” My MIL stated she then held her underwear up in awe and whispered “Someday I too can be gloriously fats.”
In a busy retailer, child perhaps 4 years outdated getting ignored.
“Dad. Dad. Dad. Daddy. Dad. Daddy. DADDY. DADDY. DAD. DADA! DADDY! DADDY! DADA! DAD! DAD!”
5 seconds later a fantastic shout comes out this child.
“STEEEEEEVE!”
That obtained dad’s consideration, he jumped 3 inches.
Once I was 22 or so I used to be simply out of faculty, dwelling at dwelling, and dealing as an aide at an elementary faculty. I used to be working with a primary grader who requested me if I had children. I stated no. He requested if I had a spouse. I stated no. The child seems a bit confused and says, “Then who do you reside with?” I stated that I dwell with my mother and father and brothers. Then the child seems much more confused and goes, “Wait… I assumed you have been an grownup.” I do know he didnt imply nothing by it, however rattling.
Somebody within the household was pregnant, and my nieces have been placing collectively the information associated to child making on the time. A light-weight bulb went off they usually famous ‘oh, so which means so and so had s*x.’ Then, one other gentle bulb went off they usually stated to their mother “oh, in order that implies that you and pa have had s*x too!”
They appeared skeptical, and when additional questioned, stated “Dad simply would not seem to be the kind of particular person that will have s*x.”
Little woman was dressed as a quick meals employee for Halloween was being given s**t by her aunt for her “low alternative” and that she wanted to purpose greater if she needed to succeed, entire factor was actually demeaning and bizarre. Lady fired again with: I am solely 12, what’s your excuse for being poor then?
My 11 yr outdated sister to one among my buddies:
“Hey, do you know that for those who have been to eat a bee, you’d have extra brains in your abdomen than in your head.”
A dialog I overheard between my father and sister:
My father: “Can your little legs carry your massive sensible mouth?”
My sister: “can your legs carry your massive abdomen?”
“Uncle Eric? When is your child due?”
Child had simply realized what a being pregnant regarded like. Uncle Eric was not, the truth is, pregnant.
My pal when he was about 4 was in bother so he needed to be within the kitchen together with his mother the place she may see him. He was bored and needed to play however she wouldn’t let him so he checked out her and stated in his sweetest voice “mother for those who’re right here, who’s operating hell?” Nonetheless probably the most savage burn I’ve seen shortly.
The opposite day my 6 yr outdated daughter was sitting subsequent to me and regarded me proper within the eye and stated “why do you’ve got a mustache?”
I’m a girl, by the best way.
I’m a highschool trainer. As soon as a pupil got here as much as me and stated “Ms. ____ has anybody instructed you that you simply look good immediately?” I stated “Aww. Thanks! They haven’t.” She then stated “Good. I needed to ensure nobody was mendacity to you.” And walked away.
Halloween was coming quickly, my sister was speaking to one among my 5 yo cousins. “Hey honey! What do you assume your mommy ought to costume like for halloween? A princess?”. The child smiled: “She’s waaay too ugly for a princess! Mommy needs to be a witch!”
We stored quiet for the remainder of the day. Mommy by no means knew.
was chilling at a marriage, the bridesmaids have been sitting there with the 5 yr outdated flower woman. one of many bridesmaids stated she wished she can be the following to get married and the flower woman stated “no becky you might be too ugly to get married”. i burst out laughing.
“Dad, I drew you with no hair, since you just about have no.” My 5-year-old son
I used to be washing dishes within the kitchen and singing to myself and my 4yr outdated walked in along with her face screwed up and stated “mummy you cant sing, it is hurting my ears”. She’s not fallacious although as a result of I positively cannot sing. It is brutal honesty each day from her.
I used to be at a public security training occasion for grades 5/6 representing EMS. I used to be displaying a child a number of the superior issues we do and her trainer requested “So, would you need to be a Paramedic?”
Her reply….”No, I’ll research enterprise, I need to have the ability to pay my payments”.
Nonetheless kinda stings.
My ex was a heavy dude. He modified his shirt in entrance of his 4 yr outdated nephew, who checked out his stomach confused and genuinely requested him if his abdomen was his butt.
My niece stated to my sister: “Mommy, you appear to be you fell from heaven…. And hit each department on the best way down.”
Karen to her child: “Cease appearing like a toddler!”
Some random child strolling by: “He’s a toddler, what’s your excuse.”
When talking my second language, a six yr outdated instructed me “You do not sound such as you’re overseas, you simply sound like there’s one thing fallacious along with your mouth.”
Nana says ‘George Bush Sr. and I solely have one factor in widespread, we each hate broccoli.’ My daughter responds, ‘ in the future quickly, you should have two issues in widespread.’
Final week my husband who works at an area grocery retailer overheard a mom pushing her two children in a cart and complaining about how heavy they have been. The older youngster, most likely round 7 years outdated seems at her and says, “You are the one who determined to have two children”. Seems to be like somebody spends a number of time at his grandparent’s home.
When my brother was 3 or 4, I instructed him about Buerger Illness, so he would method smoking strangers within the park and inform them that they must have their leg lower off…
My three yr outdated daughter walked as much as a person in a wheelchair while we have been within the grocery store, regarded him straight within the face and stated “You’re too outdated for a pram”
Once I was round 4 or 5 we went to Canada to attend my grandfathers funeral. It was a very long time coming so my grandmother had been dealing with it effectively. We stayed up there for about 2 weeks after because it was summer season and we normally spent august up there anyhow, however this time as we have been pulling out of the driveway to go again south I leaned out the window and shouted “Bye Grandma! Love you! Do not die now!”
Once I shaved my nephew stated, “Wow, you look unhealthy, you appear to be your Dad.”
Two birds with one stone.
My 4-5 yr outdated nephew was taking a look at an image of me holding him when he was a child. He requested why I used to be holding him within the image. I instructed him at the moment he favored me greater than anyone else. He then asks me, “Why wasn’t *cousin’s title* holding me then?” That cousin was his present favourite.
My niece when she was 3-4 years outdated pointed at my class ring and requested if it was my “married ring”. I instructed her it wasn’t. She then stated, “Oh so nobody desires to marry you?” Me, “Ahh..guess not.”
Grownup educating youngster.
Baby making an attempt to re clarify what the grownup is saying.
The grownup correcting the kid.
The kid, “What language do you communicate?”
Grownup, “Uh…English. Similar as you.”
Baby, “If we each communicate English, why do not you perceive what I’m saying??”
Dropped at you by a 5 yr outdated in kindergarten.
At an elementary faculty daycare after I was 8-9, one among my buddies obtained irritated so he requested one the daycare counselors, “Aren’t we paying you to be right here?” Immediate silence.
My 4 yr outdated daughter instructed me at dinner to not way back:
You look good! You do not appear to be your self!
Effectively thanks, I suppose…..
In my youthful 20s I had horrible pimples. I used to be a cashier at CVS. A buyer’s younger daughter requested me why I had so many bug bites on my face. It took all my energy to not cry in entrance of that buyer.
To not an grownup, however nonetheless hilarious. Very first thing within the morning, as our 12 yr outdated daughter was stumbling into the lounge, our 5 yr outdated son turned to her and deadpanned, “Keira, I do not love you. And I by no means have.”
Our 12 yearold who’s used to our 5 yr outdated’s b******t, was identical to, “Thanks buddy.”
It was a brutal method to get up.
Once I was round 7 hearth division got here for my grandma after she fell. Mother was speaking to firefighter about one thing and he had a extremely lengthy neck. I simply blurted out “you appear to be an alien” the fellows by the truck overheard and busted out laughing. My mother was so embarrassed and the man simply laughed as effectively.
Giving my 11 yr outdated nieces recommendation earlier than they begin center faculty, telling them how imply different tweens will be and that I’m there for them in the event that they want assist. One among them responds “you should have been an actual loser in center faculty”
THANKS
I used to be selecting up my cousin from daycare, when somewhat woman tremendous loudly requested “Mother, why does your vulva have a moustache?”
My bro in legislation is a bonehead. My sis was explaining one thing about their new automotive buy and my 4 yr instructed niece says to me – “auntie I don’t assume daddy ever is aware of what he’s speaking about” with probably the most critical face. She is fairly intuitive for being such somewhat human.
My neighbor was about 2 years outdated and he was operating round their home and going to the touch some footwear and was gonna maintain them in his mouth. My dad noticed him, instructed him no do not try this and pretend scolded him. The child in his cute lisp and naked minimal vocabulary stated ” You might be speaking an excessive amount of. Go to your workplace” in our language.
This has been our household’s go to line the now 10 yr outdated is tremendous embarrassed by it.
My 8 yr outdated niece-in-law was speaking to my brother and me. Since her aunt was courting my brother she requested me who my girlfriend was. I stated I did not have one. She stated “Oh… some persons are simply alleged to be alone, I suppose.”
Gee, thanks.
My son. Asian retailer. About 6 years in the past.
“Daddy it smells in right here” me shushing him making an attempt to get him to close up. He continues ” it smells worse than you”. Thoughts you, he has no idea for inside voice.
Our pal son, stated “are you aware that my dad cannot fulfill my mom ” his father wished to vanish at that second
Once I was 4-5 years outdated I used to be sitting in my step mother’s lap within the automotive (good ole 90’s when automotive security was much less of a priority) and I used to be slapping her leg, uncovered due to her shorts. I stated, “it ripples like a pool!”…I didn’t notice till I used to be older why she was so offended.
My 6 yr outdated cousin, 4 on the time, instructed me “you put on pajamas within the day since you’re a catastrophe.”
5 yr outdated daughter checked out me and out of nowhere stated “I do not assume your fats mum… You are only a teeeennnnsssssyyyy bit chunky” used her fingers for emphasis too, cheers buddy.
3 yr outdated yesterday morning walked into my bed room, pointed at me and referred to as me a ballbag. Died laughing because it was so sudden however his father and I had some phrases.
My 6 yr outdated daughter was engaged on a “science experiment” as in mixing random kitchen pantry stuff.
Daughter: Mother come right here I want an enormous particular person!
Me: You imply an grownup?
S**t you not she seems me up and down with this skeptical look and says, “yea however you will do”
“Children as of late misbehave a lot.”
“Didn’t you elevate me?”
A boy stated to the older, operatic soprano soloist after a live performance:
“If you sing it makes my ears *damage!*”
My 5 yr outdated and I wanted to speak to our neighbor for some purpose (2 years in the past) as quickly as we stepped in my child stated, “God it is a mess and it smells! That you must clear up after your self!”
My child had some extent thou.
Once I was about 4 or 5 one among my aunts had a miscarriage. Listening to that she had misplaced her child I went as much as her and stated : I used to be in my mothers stomach too however my mother didn’t free me. She began crying…
Again when my daughter was 2, she loudly requested “Mommy, the place’s your butt?!?” (I can not acquire weight for the lifetime of me) My sister thought it was hilarious till afterward when studying a guide the 2y/o pointed to an image of a cow and stated “That is Auntie B!!”
My pal and I went to an amusement park collectively after we have been about 9-10.
We walked previous a haunted home sooner or later and an actor clothes as a zombie walked round in entrance of it to “scare” folks and get them .
This dude walks as much as us with the entire zombie stroll and limping stuff and my pal simply retains on strolling and speaking. He follows her for only a few steps to see if she would cease finally however she simply turns round, goes lifeless silent and deadpans: Do I’ve a magnet shoved up my a*s or *why* are you following me??
The dude completely misplaced it and began laughing. Think about a small child with glasses and cute freckles in a costume saying s**t like that with a straight face. Makes me smile everytime I give it some thought.
I used to be in fifth grade and had a substitute trainer that obtained into a fairly heated argument with one of many children within the class. Lastly the sub says “you see that is why I by no means had children” and with out lacking a beat the child says “no you by no means had children as a result of no girl would come inside 10 ft of you”. The sub obtained fairly quiet after that.
I used to be instructed by an acquaintances daughter that i used to be skinny and fats on the identical time.
My mother had my youthful sister rather a lot older than she had me and my different siblings, there’s an 18 yr distinction between us. My mother all the time talks about how outdated she is (normally in a joking sense when its onerous to stand up from the sofa). They stopped by to go to me the opposite day and as my mother obtained up from the chair, she goes “ugh, I am getting outdated!”. My sassy 8 yr outdated sis goes, “the one factor getting outdated is you saying you are outdated.” She’s too humorous.
I used to be enjoying “the ground is lava” with my then 4yr outdated niece. I pretended to start out drowning in lava reaching my hand out to her yelling, “Please assist me”. My niece pops her head over the sting of the sofa, seems straight into my eyes and whispered, “Nobody goes to avoid wasting you.”
I drowned, “died”, and by no means performed lava along with her once more.
My sister was a nanny to 2 little women, ages 2 and 4. She introduced them over to my mother and father’ home and I used to be simply settling in to bake within the solar in my bikini. I opened the deck door to stroll exterior to greet them however the door obtained somewhat jammed, so I attempted to squeeze by way of, however these Freshman 15 have been holding me again somewhat. With out lacking a beat the 4-year-old turned to her little sister and stated in a hushed tone, “You see, she will be able to’t get by way of as a result of she’s too fats.”
Heard some child say to his mother or father ” they will not discover your physique after I am completed with you”
An outdated uncle was laying within the coffin on the funeral viewing and one among his buddy’s that knew him his entire life knew that he favored to smoke Chesterfield cigarettes so he pulled out a contemporary pack and caught them within the uncles shirt picket. Then he positioned a zippo lighter in his arms that have been clasp over his chest. Slightly child standing close by watching the entire assume shouted out “he gained’t want that lighter the place he’s going!”
My 13 yr outdated sister, grandmother, myself, and my mother have been enjoying poker. Sis takes each chip from mother in a stellar hand. Mother will get up pouting, sis lifeless a*s seems at her and says “you must most likely go wash your hair, contemplating I simply mopped the ground with it.” Me and my grandma DIED LAUGHING.
This one was stated to me by the youthful sister of a child I coached. She was about 8 and her brother was in highschool. I used to be joking round with the household saying how a lot the child was a handful. It was all tongue in cheek as this child was one among my favorites. His 8 yr outdated sister chimes in and says “Why would he take heed to you?! Your torso is longer than your legs”
I nonetheless don’t know the way offended by this I needs to be… however I really feel prefer it’s rather a lot.
Used to work at a superstore (assume blue uniforms…) and I custom-made my vest with colourful pins and wore heavy make-up to work to provide myself a singular ‘fashion’. Someday I used to be straightening a shelf when a toddler that couldn’t have been older than 5 pointed at me and stated “look mommy, it’s a clown!”
… Truthfully, that is honest.
My cousin as soon as instructed me that I did not have a boyfriend as a result of “guys like boobs and you have no”. I’ve by no means hit a toddler however holy f**ok.
My 7 yr outdated: “Dad, you are going to be 40 quickly. That is outdated.”
Me: “Are you going to place me right into a retirement dwelling after I flip 40?”
7yo: “No, you will nonetheless must work 25 extra years earlier than you may retire.”
oof
My 4 yr outdated sister referred to as my 9 yr outdated cousin homeless after he wouldn’t let her sit in his lap.
Once I was like 5 my dad requested me why I all the time requested my mother to deal with my boo-boos when he’s a physician. I stated, “you’re not a physician” so after a number of arguing I stated I used to be gonna name my grandma. My mother stepped in and confirmed my dad is a physician (PhD) in Physics. I declared, “that’s not an actual physician!” 5 years of grad faculty in physics simply to have your daughter say you’re not an actual physician, ooof.
Child at school: “Why ought to i take heed to you? You dont know any greater than what that paper says
Once I was a child, my dads pal used to make enjoyable of me for enjoying with wrestlers.
Someday he requested me.
“Are you continue to enjoying with them half bare males?”
I replied.
“Not less than mine are toys”
“Why does your hair scent like a horse?”
Mentioned to me by 3 yo little cousin.
My niece requested me, “Auntie jemmo, why aren’t you fairly like Mommy?” Oof.
My little sister.. perhaps 4 yrs outdated tops within the elevator at my grandparents retirement dwelling. Little outdated girl will get off the elevator and appears again at sis; “Bye bye candy coronary heart”. Sis, “Bye bye scum bucket”. Elevator door closes.
I used to be visiting a high-end resort city final month and heard a mom on the sidewalk say “I want I may retire right here” and her son (8-ish?) laughed and stated “you’re by no means going to retire.”
Child at park “Who’s that you simply have been speaking to?”
My child “That is my dad.”
Different child “Oh. He seems extra like a grandad.”
Ego deflates.
*Simply because you’re a mother or father, doesn’t suggest that you’ll say no matter and I’ll consider. If you do not know, simply maintain quiet*
**6 yr outdated boy (neighbour’s son) was not happy when the mom stated that there have been 9 planets**
My 6 yr outdated son: love you mummy!
His mum / my spouse: love you too Ben – and what about your dad?
Son: effectively, I like him a bit, I suppose
Me: 🙁
Just a few years in the past my nephew instructed me that my “ft are bizarre”.
I can not clarify it however I nonetheless take into consideration that generally
My pal and I have been leaving our native fireworks present after we have been teenagers and this little child in entrance of us circled, whereas nonetheless holding his mother or father’s hand, and regarded straight in my eyes and yelled “YOU WERE A MISTAKE!” Like full on, raspy voiced and all the pieces.
My aunt completely infants my 7 yr outdated cousin. The opposite day he regarded straight at my aunt as stated “deliver me water you filthy peasant” and he or she actually stated nothing and obtained him water. If that was my child id punt him throughout the room.
We have been enjoying a sport of horse shoe, me and my nephew (7 y/o) vs my brother in legislation and my dad.
My nephew was on hearth. Hitting dinger after dinger. We gained and my brother in legislation went to shake my nephew’s hand whereas saying congratulations. My nephew pulled his hand by way of his hair and stated “I do not shake arms with losers”!
Rising up we went on an enormous household journey with my cousins and uncles/aunts/and many others. My cousin who was additionally a teen on the time, obtained into an enormous tantrum concerning the journey and escalated an enormous combat with my uncle.
He stated one thing alongside the strains of how my uncle doesn’t make a lot cash and may’t present for his or her household or one thing. It was extraordinarily intestine wrenching to listen to on the time however much more so now that I’m a working grownup.
I used to be enjoying a car-spotting sport with my niece whereas I used to be driving her someplace and was getting a bit uninterested in it, so I abruptly declared “Yay! I am the winner!”. She scoffed and in a low voice mumbled “Yeah, proper. You may NEVER be a winner.”
Me to my 6 y.o. son: Ya know, there are a number of issues about you that remind me of me.
6 y.o. son: Yeah, you want.
Once we have been little, my mother had a pal that none of us favored. One time she came to visit and was speaking a couple of new boyfriend and my older sister stated “hey (mother’s pal), is your boyfriend’s mustache as thick as yours? “
when my ex boyfriend was 5 years outdated, he wrote “kiss my a*s” on a chunk of paper and slid it underneath the door whereas his dad was within the rest room. i laughed for hours after they instructed me the story.
Someday I used to be on the zoo and a few child randomly stated: ‘hé grandpa, these monkeys appear to be you’
This one time after I was a child, me and my household have been out consuming at a restaurant. Every little thing was superb till I discover the desk subsequent to us. The person (a really massive man) had a HUGE plate of mussel, and he was scarfing them down like I had hardly ever seen. Then this man let a critical burp come out. My entire household heard it. That is after I circled to face the person, taking a look at him with big spherical eyes. He stated ”sorry about that” to which I replied ”don’t fret about it, pig” I used to be round 8 years outdated. I do not fairly bear in mind his response, however my dad generally jogs my memory of this story.
My mother obtained into bother at work for emailing a pal from her work e mail after I was about 8yo. I instructed her that she ought to’ve been fired. She was mother or father, 22 years later I nonetheless bear in mind saying that.
My pal’s precocious 4yo over cake and tea: “you realize, my mummy speaks damaged English.”
FTR my pal speaks 5 languages fluently and a few extra pretty effectively, however she does have a slight accent.
Was visiting with my aunt a pair months in the past and he or she has a 4 yr outdated son. She let me know he had a party developing on the neighborhood pool and instructed me I used to be invited. She walked out of the room and he regarded me lifeless within the eyes and stated “mommy stated you may come however I feel your too fats and may scare my buddies so you are not allowed to swim”. Took all the pieces in me to not drop kick a toddler that day.
after I was about 2, my aunt begged my mother to let her take me round city to do some errands along with her. Mother agreed and off we went. One of many neighbor girls was standing on the doorway of her home and my aunt stopped to say hi there. My aunt was carrying me, and stated that the entire time they talked I simply stared on the girl. Did not take my eye off of her. My aunt and I ultimately continued on our approach, did the errands and walked again dwelling. We as soon as once more handed by the neighbor girl’s home, and my aunt stopped to speak to her once more. I additionally proceeded to intensely stare on the girl. The girl tells my aunt how cute I used to be, and began to child discuss me. I then turned to my aunt and really loudly requested “aunt, why is that girl so ugly”. My aunt by no means took me on errands once more till i used to be effectively into my teenagers.
My mother and father lived in worry of what I used to be going to say when a I used to be younger, most likely nonetheless do, however a few of my best hits have been;
“Man you’re fats” – to one among their feminine clients
“Why are your enamel so yellow” – to our neighbor.
“Your automotive smells like pee.” – to essentially outdated child sitter that in hindsight was most likely carrying relies upon.
I noticed my nephew (4) purchasing together with his step mum she says hello to me and he ignores me, I requested what his drawback was and he replies “I don’t know you bruh” solely modified a thousand of his nappies, don’t fear 😂
That was most likely me. My uncle likes to simply sit on the sofa all day at his mother and father’ home and since this covid factor occurred he misplaced his job. Now he sits on the sofa 10 instances as a lot and doesn’t even acknowledge his personal daughter. Someday he came to visit to my home to swim since all swimming pools have been closed and he doesn’t have one. He finally stated, “Man! My again actually hurts like on a regular basis!” So I stated “In all probability since you sat on the identical sofa for 15 years.” My mother laughed so onerous and so did I. Even my uncle cracked somewhat giggle.
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