Nick Swardson
Comedy Central
“She’ll be like, ‘How was your day immediately?’ And I will be like, ‘Oh, my day, Grandma? My day was horrible. I had the worst day. I get up. I am going to the video retailer — this man nearly hits me, this cab nearly hits me. I get there — the film I would like is gone. They do not even have it. And the Yankees misplaced, it should rain — it was just like the worst day. How was your day?’ ‘Properly, I awoke, once more. And my coronary heart hurts once I breathe. And one other considered one of my mates died.’ It is like, what do I say to that?”
Associated: 15 Extra Jokes For The Corridor Of Fame
Brian Regan
Comedy Central
“I assumed yoga was straightforward — I went out and I purchased a yoga video tape. I purchased the newbies’ yoga tape. I could not do something on the entire hour — nothing — simply quick forwarding: cannot try this, cannot try this — I do know I am unable to try this. This girl in a soothing voice: ‘Merely take the underside of your proper foot and place it on the small of your again.’”
