Cracked’s ‘One Hit Blunders’: 5 Ways One Awful Music Video Ended Billy Squier’s Career


A Proposal

Billy Squier has needed to cope with the backlash over the Rock Me Tonite video for 38 years now, and it retains getting introduced up time and again. For instance, you’re studying about it proper now, aren’t you? However the reality stays that Rock Me Tonite is just not the worst music video ever made. Not by a protracted shot. It might have been thought to be such on the time, however there have been so many worse movies since then. Are we simply gonna neglect Child Rock even existed?

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As a result of if we may, that’d be nice!

Maybe it’s time we give Billy Squier a shot at redemption. Right here’s what we suggest: Let’s crowdfund a brand new video for Rock Me Tonite. Not a redux, remix, or remake. No, give the music the right video it deserves after practically 4 a long time of mockery.

We take the video again to its authentic thought: Billy Squier preparing for a live performance intercut with scenes of his followers doing the identical, and finish it with everybody on the live performance rocking their brains out. Not as they’re at the moment, however as they have been when the music first got here out in June 1984. It wouldn’t be exhausting to recreate the feel and appear of that point interval. Simply rent the set designers and casting administrators from Stranger Issues. Downside solved!

However isn’t Billy Squier 72 years previous? Sure, however we are able to nonetheless make it work. Hell, if the MCU can de-age Michael Douglas’ sub-Saharan reduction map of a face again to its pre-Gordon Gekko glory, then absolutely we may give Billy Squier a good mid-eighties digital facelift. Use a physique double for the dance strikes or go full-motion seize CGI if now we have to. We might solely want a handful of FX pictures for a five-minute rock video. It’s not like we’re having Billy battle Thanos or something. 

C’mon, individuals! Let’s do that. Do it for Billy F—ing Squier!

Dan Fritschie is a author, comic, and frequent over-thinker. He could be discovered on Twitter, and he thanks you to your time.

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